Hopeful

I feel loneliness now. That’s ok though, I know I’ll achieve greater connection with people in time. I work from home most of the time and most of my good friends moved away. 

I just know that whatever happens, to persevere. In my time when I am alone, I focus on how beautiful the world is and how amazing it is to be here, it is an amazing place and I’m so thankful to be here. I’ve had my hardships, but I decide to keep looking forward, no matter what happens in my life. 

The positive of alone time is that it enables great insight and creative thinking and I’ve used this to my advantage. In saying that, I’ve signed up for volunteering and a book club, as I just love reading. I’m currently reading Shakespeare at the moment and it is amazing. 

I think that no matter how lonely you feel there is always a bright side, and there is generally always someone out there to talk to, including help lines. So whoever you are, if you are experiencing loneliness, just know that you are not alone.

Returning home to Australia

I moved to work in Japan for 9 years and now I’ve come back to Australia a few months ago.

While I am an Australian by current nationality, I have felt lonely since returning as I struggle to keep pace with the ongoing changes in society. I feel that I am a stranger living back in my own country, even though I still remember the culture by knowledge. I felt not only lonely but also helpless when all my good friends from before have moved on with their lives and were unable to help when I most needed, to adjust to life back in Australia.

However, there was a glimmer of hope to find my voice back and contribute back to the academic environment when I recently went back to university for my Masters. There was a group assignment activity where I was assigned to other people I don’t know well, but when they gave positive feedback to my ideas, I felt that I contributed well to completing the assignment.

My first deployment

I was 20 when I enlisted in the Royal Australian Navy and was incredibly proud to serve my country. You know and expect that there will be an element of discipline, structure, traditions, physical training, and potentially long periods away from your loved ones. Despite a lack of sleep and very tough physical exercise for the first year, I absolutely loved it! I was doing what I had always dreamed of and could still connect with family and friends whenever I wanted.

You can prepare for the discipline and physical side of Military life. Still, it wasn’t until my first deployment that I experienced the loneliness of being away from my loved ones. Even though surrounded by my amazing shipmates and loved my work, I couldn’t ignore just how lonely I was. From being able to call them at any time to not speaking for weeks on end, it was difficult, given how close to my family I was. The constant connection had been broken, and I felt alone.

Weeks passed, and then a tiny and unexpected thing happened that instantly made the loneliness disappear. It was a care package from home with all my favourite treats and handwritten letters. It might have been small, travelled thousands of km, and took weeks, but it was such a simple thing that let me know that they were still there and thinking of me. From such small things as a little box of chips, lollies, and letters, the family connection was back, and I was no longer lonely.

No matter the size or circumstance, the power of human connections reminds us that we are never alone!

I didn’t know who I was

After many years of hard work and climbing the corporate ladder, I realised that I felt lonely in my job as I entered mid-life.

I had spent years trying to be what I thought others needed me to be. I became very good at saying the right thing to the right person at the right time to get the right outcome. But I realised that there was a hollowness inside me. I felt fragile. Lost. I felt that I couldn’t ask for help because I didn’t know how to ask for help because I couldn’t describe my thoughts and feelings. I had a great job, a loving wife and children and was living a life of privilege, living and working overseas in diplomacy. How could I possibly be lonely?

A coach said to me: ‘Phil, tell me about yourself.’ I answered him by describing what I did for work and tried to impress him with my achievements. He answered, ‘That’s a great answer for a job interview, but I asked you who you are, not what you do.’

I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t know who I was. My way through loneliness started when I learned who I am and started to be more me in the world. I started to show up in work situations as more me and other people responded well and they started to be more themselves around me too.

Some aspects of connecting with myself have been tougher than others on me and those I love. I came out as gay and life with my partner and our amazing family makes me happier than I ever thought possible. Life’s full of soul-nourishing connection now because I’m me in myself and when I interact with the world.

The journey has been uncomfortable at times, but I have great support around me (and I support them) and I can say that learning from my loneliness has always been worth it.