Loneliness is all around
I see and feel loneliness all around me. As a carer and support person, I am intimately present to the loneliness of close family and friends, but also to colleagues, clients and the people I come across in my daily life.
One of my dearest friends had a complex array of mental health challenges for many years and shared with me about feeling lonely and misunderstood by others. I feel the social isolation and loneliness of COVID-19’s lockdowns was a key element of her devastating suicide in 2020.
My parents divorced when I was a toddler, and mum has struggled to find stable and supportive relationships. Her stoic independence is a superpower in some ways, but when coupled with mental and physical health challenges, it’s also led her to isolate from key people in her life. In my view, what’s helped mum has been a willingness to ask close family and friends for help, engaging with appropriate professionals and improving her habits around her health, movement and consumption.
Personally, I’ve experienced loneliness too. Getting bullied for expressing emotion and not ‘fitting in’ during school. Feeling demotivated by university and avoiding attendance. Working in the betting industry and feeling disconnected from the space and the people within it. Misalignment in previous intimate relationships. Socially exhausted, isolated and vulnerable during solo travels.
Today, I feel much less lonely and better connected than ever. Outside of my amazing partner and our family and friends, a healthy balance of self-love and service to others are the natural antidotes to loneliness for me. Learning to love my intricacies has helped me accept myself more and enjoy my alone time. It has also created space for others to love and accept me in my full expression. And by focussing on supporting others – primarily through my work in mental health – I feel supported, and I now get to live a more purposeful and fulfilled life within community.
From Isolation to Empowerment: Jenny’s Path to Connection
Loneliness can often feel like an invisible barrier, separating us from the world around us. For me, one particularly profound period of isolation occurred during my university years. As I pursued a career in primary education, I encountered significant challenges during my practicum, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and deepening loneliness.
The transition from theoretical studies to practical application was jarring. I faced difficulties in the classroom, struggled with the demands of the role, and ultimately decided to leave the program. This decision, though necessary for my well-being, left me feeling disconnected and uncertain about my future. The loneliness I experienced was not just emotional but also existential. I questioned my worth and my place in the world.
During this time, my behaviour shifted significantly. I became increasingly withdrawn and found it hard to engage in social activities or maintain connections with friends and family. My focus was solely on my perceived failures, which only deepened my sense of isolation.
It was during this period of self-reflection that I realised the importance of seeking out and embracing supportive connections. My involvement in various volunteer roles, became a lifeline. Through these roles, I connected with individuals who shared similar experiences and challenges. Their support and understanding provided me with a renewed sense of purpose.
One particular connection that made a profound difference was my role as a peer educator with a community managed organisation. Engaging with others who had navigated their own mental health journeys allowed me to see that I was not alone in my struggles. The mutual exchange of experiences and support created a space where I felt truly understood and valued.
Additionally, participating in programs that focused on mental health advocacy and peer education helped me find my voice. I discovered that by sharing my own experiences and supporting others, I could turn my feelings of isolation into a source of strength. This shift from feeling like an outsider to becoming an active participant in a supportive community was transformative.
The key insight I gained from this period was the importance of actively seeking and nurturing connections that are rooted in empathy and mutual understanding. These relationships provided me with a sense of belonging and purpose, helping me to overcome feelings of isolation and empower myself to make a difference.
If you’re struggling with loneliness, know that reaching out to communities or organisations that align with your values and interests can be incredibly beneficial. Finding spaces where you are heard and where you can contribute meaningfully can help bridge the gap of isolation and lead to a more fulfilling and connected life.
Hopeful
I feel loneliness now. That’s ok though, I know I’ll achieve greater connection with people in time. I work from home most of the time and most of my good friends moved away.
I just know that whatever happens, to persevere. In my time when I am alone, I focus on how beautiful the world is and how amazing it is to be here, it is an amazing place and I’m so thankful to be here. I’ve had my hardships, but I decide to keep looking forward, no matter what happens in my life.
The positive of alone time is that it enables great insight and creative thinking and I’ve used this to my advantage. In saying that, I’ve signed up for volunteering and a book club, as I just love reading. I’m currently reading Shakespeare at the moment and it is amazing.
I think that no matter how lonely you feel there is always a bright side, and there is generally always someone out there to talk to, including help lines. So whoever you are, if you are experiencing loneliness, just know that you are not alone.
